I need courage to put my husband out.?

I desperately want a divorce. We have done marriage counseling five times and it does not help. I don't love him and frankly pretty much hate him. I don't even like him to touch me and we have not had sex since 2009. Despite this, he wants to stay. I want to leave him and try to find a relationship with someone else. The thing that stops me is the fear of getting back into the dating scene and the fact that we have three year old twins. I put him out for six weeks earlier this year, but let him come back, because of the stress of dealing with the children. I do have a severe arthritic condition in my spine, but have avoided surgery because it is not a very sure thing. It is basically me alone. Both of my parents are dead and I only have one sister who works full time. Doing things like grocery shopping, bringing in the groceries, yard work, carrying the kids is hard for me. Still, I know in order to find happiness, I have to go through those tough times, but I don't have the courage to do it. I so wish he would just leave, because I find it hard to make a choice that will make my life so much more difficult. Please help me find the strenght to make my life better.